Susan Jones – Writer

Last week, I needed to get a new dress for a do coming up this weekend. Well, a meal rather than a do. And, speaking of meals, I think I’ve been overdoing it a bit. When I went in to the changing rooms, armed with three items I liked, I seemed to have attracted three unwanted guests.

There was Mrs chinigan who’d stuck herself around my neck. Her friend, Mrs hipster morish-moremore, who’d attached to my waist, and their mate came at me from behind, she’s Mrs wobble-bottom. They gave me a fright; especially as there were five mirrors, all showing close ups of these unwanted invaders. They have to go. I don’t want them around at all.

Not surprisingly, none of the items fitted, so I went off on a tangent and took three over-sized items in which were too big. Eventually, to the sales girl’s relief, I settled on the medium ones. (That’s me being kind to myself)

So I’ve been at the gym every day, bashing them all with the rowing machine, treadmill and other things they don’t like. I know they all hate oranges as well, and eggs. So I’m on the orange and egg plan, with salad, to get rid of these hags who have had the cheek to adopt me.

Here’s a preview of the dress I ended up with. The lovely sales assistant told me, ‘that’s quite a find, the only one of it’s kind in the store. So, hope to wear it quite a lot before I kick those three intruders off.

Here’s me with my gym buddy who makes sure I turn up, and batter the three invaders.

Speaking of adopting, I went to a job interview. It was for a job in a coffee shop in a clothes shop, in a ski-centre. Sounds confusing? When I told people, they said, ‘oh, yes, the ski-centre’s a great place to work. It was one of those ‘fun’ days. Oh, haven’t had so much fun since I fell off a gate!

A group of around fifteen of us assembled in a room at the top of the ski-centre. First of all, I naturally went into the coffee shop in there. Almost had a cake and coffee, but I’d have been late, so resisted. A couple of tables were full of people, busy writing, and another table was free. There was a chap busy filling in his form, so I joined him. He looked familiar. Turns out he used to collect the rubbish from outside our shop on the estate. He was funny. Didn’t want to give personal details, hadn’t got a reference. Before we went, they’d told us if we hadn’t got this list of five things, with those two on it, we wouldn’t be considered for the job.

After that, he attached himself to me, and began following me around. Much like Mrs chinigan and hipster morish-moremore, and that pest Mrs wobble-bottom, he adopted me for the day. We had to stand up and tell the group about our partner. Which, by now, he’d made sure I was his partner. (oh lords and ladies…) He completely forgot everything I’d told him about me. The only thing he remembered was that I’d had a shop….  One of the main things was, you had to love coffee for this job, which was in a Starbucks, that’s going to be coming in a Next. I actually much prefer earl-grey tea, so when I didn’t get the job I didn’t cry buckets. The funniest thing was, Mr new best friend shouted after me as I left, ‘see you again, when we work together!’

Sorry I can’t post the video as promised, everyone’s deleted it from their phones. (I think they had an inkling I’d be posting it here:)

A giggle from Ann; she had a week off recently, and as you do, she had a browse around indeed, where you see what jobs are on offer. As you would, she posted her c.v. and viewed a few options.

After a nice week off, visiting her brother, and popping to see us, she went back to work. The manager said, “can I have a word, are you leaving us?” Ann kept a straight face and said, “oh, no, why would I do that? I’m happy here, oh no, most definitely not.” (For some reason I think a Mrs Doubtfire voice would work best here.

“Oh, only your c.v. has turned up in the hotel, as applying for the job there.”

Ann works on the receptionist in the spa, of the same hotel. The useful people, or robots at indeed, automatically send your c.v to employers where they think you’d be suited. Ten minutes later, I had one of those texts, omg. cringe…cringe… guess what???

For the rest of the day, she kept getting asked, ‘so you’re not looking for another job?’

She’s happy where she is, so hopefully she explained, that her c.v. had always been on there, and it’s the indeed automated service:0)

Our Son popped in the other day. He was busy texting, so I asked him, ‘have you got a new girlfriend?’ He said, ‘yes.’ So I asked him if he had a photo. He replied. ‘Hang on, not sure if there’s one of her with her clothes on!’ Luckily there was, and she’s really pretty, lucky girl I’d say.

People’s Friend interview with Pat Posner is coming up on 12th May, and it’s a good one.